Have you ever considered the fact that Jesus was the greatest question asker the world has ever seen? Think about that for a moment. And, while you're thinking, why would asking questions matter when it comes to your marriage?
"…for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." —Luke 6:45b
Asking good questions is vital
Throughout the gospel accounts, whenever Jesus interacted with people, most of the time we observe him asking the individual or group a question.
At times, he even answered questions with questions. This questioning often frustrated the religious leaders, even to the point that his questions silenced them (Matt. 22:46).
Why did Jesus ask so many questions? Jesus knew that when people spoke, they would reveal what was in their hearts. This allowed him to know a few things: where they stood with him and how he could best minister to their spiritual need.
Do you ask your spouse questions? Do you ask and then just listen? If not, you are missing out on hearing their heart, which also means that you will fail to know their greatest needs and ultimately how you can best help them.
Learn to intentionally make your conversations with your spouse about them. You can do this by merely asking them questions.
Start with simple questions: how was your day? What did you do today? While in the midst of those, take the opportunity to explore further with deep questions about their responses, ultimately mining the depths of their hearts about things going on in their life.
Let's look at ten (10) questions for couples to ask right now to get started.
10 questions for couples to ask right now
- What did you enjoy about that?
- Do you think it was successful? How can we celebrate?
- What do/did you hope would happen?
- Do you have any fears/worries about that?
- What do you feel will be best for that situation?
- What do you think you need? Are there things I can help with in the situation?
- Does that make you feel tense or anxious?
- Are there things I can take on to help you make that a priority?
- What’s most important?
- What is the biblical perspective on the situation?
This list is obviously not exhaustive. But, it will get you started in thinking of how you might dig deeper and ask more engaging questions right now. Remember, God’s grace flows best in marriage when we are talking together.
Wesley Dunn serves as the Minister of Discipleship at First Baptist Church of Owensboro, Kentucky. He is married to Julie and they have four children.