Who are you chasing in your marriage?

By Brian Bolton

Who Are You Pursuing?

Some folks will tell you to chase after your spouse. Some will tell you to take care of yourself first—so you can take care of others around you.

There are times and seasons for everything. But, in this post, I want to point you in a different direction. Let me tell you a story. 

When you chase after your spouse.

Before I was married, but once I knew I was interested in the lady of my dreams, it was all about the pursuit. I wanted to win her over, so I pursued her. I walked to see her when I didn’t have a car. I stayed up late talking on the phone instead of studying for class. I bought her flowers, took her to the movies (borrowed a vehicle to do this), wrote notes of love, took her to dinner, and did everything I could to let her know she was the woman of my dreams.

You understand. You’ve been there and done that.

When you chase after yourself.

Before saying, “I do,” you pursued the one you love. Once married, the pursuit sometimes fades or gets crowded out by life. So, how do you keep the marriage healthy? It all comes down to the quest.

Then, after you get married, it's easy to drift into thinking you've somehow "arrived". Then, it's not long before you'll hear folks say, "You need some me time." Well, me-time isn't always wrong. But, when you factor in years of not chasing the correct thing, looking to yourself can be such low-hanging fruit, that you get lazy. It tastes good!

Little work makes you realize you could've been doing this all along. One nice, quiet moment turns into a new hobby. Before you notice, you're not only not chasing your spouse, you've jumped passed me-time into full-on selfishness. 

However, I’m not talking about pursuing your spouse, even though you should. And, I'm not talking about self-care, even though it can be vital at times. 

I’m talking about seeking God.

When you chase after God.

In my role as a Pastor, I’ve walked with many couples through the hard times of marriage. Do you know what brings the marriage back to health and wholeness? It's not when the spouse learns to pursue the other one more. It's not when the spouse has extra me-time. No, the problem is overcome when the couple learns to seek God.

It’s when each spouse makes God number one in their life and they each—genuinely pursue Him with all of their, heart, mind, soul, and all their strength.

Let the pursuit begin, chase after God.



Brian is a follower of Jesus. He has been married for 26 years and has three young adult children. He is a church planter, pastor, and huge Michigan Fan.


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